


falling down like angels fighting (stars and lightning hold me tightly)

by unsealie



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: AFTG Winter Exchange 2019, Christmas, Fluff, Ice Skating, Idiots in Love, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Music, Soft Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Stars, Winter, a little bit of angst? not heavy at all, bad days and good days, brief mentions to neil's past, specifically his time at evermore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:15:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21884347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsealie/pseuds/unsealie
Summary: Andrew and Neil and winter over the years. The physical distance between them may grow, but they become closer than ever, finding more pieces of home in each other. A story of healing, love, and warmth.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 23
Kudos: 193
Collections: AFTG Exchange Winter 2019





	falling down like angels fighting (stars and lightning hold me tightly)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [adverbialstarlight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/adverbialstarlight/gifts).



> This fic is for the AFTG winter exchange! Written for @adverbialstarlight, using the prompts music, stars, and ice skating (although music might be a bit of a stretch here, it's more like a lullaby). The boys are in love, what else can I say? I do hope you enjoy.
> 
> Title is from the song Hazel by Cavetown

_\- Neil’s second year of college, Andrew’s third -_

  
  


“What are you doing.” A question, coming from Andrew, but lacking the inflection. Neil knew what he was asking regardless.

“Dying,” Neil said. As if the answer was glaringly obvious. 

A huff, a step, the closing of a door. It was winter. The foxes knew what winter meant, and it certainly did not bring anything good. 

“You look perfectly fine to me.” But he didn’t. Andrew could see the way Neil’s hands shook, noticed his disheveled hair from fingers that wouldn’t stop tugging. He saw a look in Neil’s eyes that was so familiar it hurt. Something Andrew saw in the mirror for most of his life.

Neil hesitated before saying anything, searching for the right words and coming up empty. “I don’t know what to do,” he offered, a bit of honesty mixed with a pathetic amount of pleading. And then, “It feels like he’s breaking me all over again.”

Andrew’s hands tightened into fists, breath hitching slightly at the admission. He knew that this time of year would be rough for both of them, but he hadn’t expected the truth from Neil so quickly. Getting the truth out of him was like pulling teeth, Nicky would say. Kevin would say. Allison would say. Wymack would-

A year had passed since Evermore. Since Riko took Andrew’s boy and tore him apart. A year of learning to heal, and to trust. Progress was anything but linear, and bad days were a reckoning. Bad days like this, where Neil had not gotten out of bed yet, and it was past four in the afternoon. They were becoming less frequent, though. Andrew thought so, at least.

“Yes or no?” Andrew asked after a moment, hovering beside the bunk Neil was laying on. A million questions asked in one.

“Yes.”

Andrew climbed into bed opposite of Neil, back close to the wall, eyes on Neil in front of him. Slowly, Neil turned to lay on his side, looking at Andrew. Just looking. Not asking for more than Andrew was willing to give, even when he craved the comfort of a hand in his hair, or a forehead pressed to his own.

“Staring,” Andrew murmured as he wrapped an arm around Neil, tugging until they were flush against each other, chest to chest. He dragged his fingers through Neil’s hair, so gentle, so careful not to pull too harshly. Neil released a sigh and buried his face in Andrew’s neck, arms tucked between them. It was a moment of softness, of vulnerability, something neither of them had been used to. Andrew pressed his nose to the crown of Neil’s head and thought, not for the first time, that Neil was worth everything.

“What do you need?” Andrew’s voice was a barely there whisper, asking something neither of them had heard in so long. _What can I do to help?_

This was harder for them. The weak feeling that comes with bad days; the tenderness that followed afterwards. The touch and the soothing words that they want, even if they won’t admit it. Sometimes, Andrew craves so desperately to hold Neil close, to hold him until they became one. Today, he indulges. Today, it is what they both need.

“I don’t-” Neil cut himself off, knowing that he needed something, and that he was allowed to ask for help. “I just need this,” he amended, pulling away from Andrew’s neck, looking at him. “I just need you. To hold me. Like this.” He looked pointedly at the way Andrew’s arms were cradling Neil to his chest, nodding. “This is enough, Drew.” _You are enough_.

Andrew pulled the blankets of the bunk over them, cocooning them in warmth, protection from the winter that was raging on around them. His arms tightened fractionally around Neil, holding him together, unafraid of his broken pieces. He didn’t know how he could respond to Neil’s words so he didn’t, instead brushing a kiss over Neil’s forehead. He couldn’t even think of what percentage Neil was at.

“Go to sleep,” Andrew said, resting his chin on top of Neil’s head. “I’ll be here when you wake up.” 

“Okay.” Neil’s nose crinkled as he suppressed a yawn, curling closer to Andrew, cold toes pressed to Andrew’s shins. “Thank you.”  
  


It’d be generous to say that Andrew fell asleep as well, but he was more relaxed than he had been in ages. They laid there for hours, curled up in the darkness of their room, the sun setting behind grey curtains. Kevin had come in at one point, but left when he saw Andrew’s halfhearted glare. 

Neil woke some time later, eyes blinking open slowly. He stretched, arms above his head, joints popping as he wiggled a bit in Andrew’s embrace. “How long was I out?” Neil asked, voice gentle, unwilling to break the calm atmosphere they had created between them. 

“A few hours. It’s almost nine.” Andrew looked down, pressing his forehead to Neil’s. They sat there like that for a few minutes, the tiredness from before slowly creeping back into Andrew’s bones. He forced himself to open his eyes, to sit up, to untangle himself from Neil. It was a painful process, something he was loathe to admit. Sitting up fully now, Andrew looked down at Neil. He was laying on his own pillow, face turned up towards Andrew, and Andrew had to turn away. Neil looked gorgeous like this; sleepy, eyes half open, hair spread out on the pillow beneath his head.

Andrew could feel the tips of his ears burn, and he scowled, shoving Neil’s face away with a careful hand on his jaw. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?” Neil asked, raising his eyebrows, unable to contain the soft smile on his face. “Like I, I dunno, _like_ you?”

Andrew made a noise of disgust and stood up, leaving the room without a glance behind him. Fuck Neil for making him feel things. 

The blush on his face was still in full effect when Neil walked out of the room minutes later, wearing clean clothes. He had one of Andrew’s softer blankets wrapped around his shoulders, and Andrew suppressed the urge to call him stupid. He _was_ , but he looked so gentle in this moment that Andrew couldn’t bring himself to break that. 

Andrew set a pot on the stove with water to boil, salting it and leaving it be. He got out pasta for dinner, something bland that would be easy for Neil to eat after a day of not eating anything. They didn’t have much else to cook, anyways. No one had done groceries in a while. 

Turning around from the cupboard he was rummaging around in, he was met with Neil on the counter, blanket pulled tight around him. “Comfortable?” Andrew asked, not exactly sure if he was being sarcastic or not.

“Yeah.” Neil smiled, opening up the blanket a bit, holding his arms out. “Would be better with you here, though.” He waggled his eyebrows, trying to keep a straight face but failing spectacularly moments later.

“I’m making dinner,” Andrew argued halfheartedly, already stepping between Neil’s legs, letting Neil’s arms fall over his shoulders. Laying his head on Neil’s chest, Andrew hummed softly, hands moving to rest on his knees. “Why the hell is it always so cold in here?”

“It’s winter, Drew. Of course it’s cold.” 

“And? We’re indoors. Our dorm shouldn’t be as cold as it is outside.”

Neil laughed quietly, Andrew’s head bouncing a bit where it rested on Neil. It was a nice sound, when Neil laughed, and it didn’t happen nearly enough. But Neil laughs and smiles more than he did when he got to Palmetto, and everyone counts it as a win. 

It’s winter again, Andrew thinks. And Neil is laughing. And somehow, it’s because of him. 

Maybe winters wouldn’t always be so bad.

  
  


_\- Neil’s fourth year of college, Andrew’s fifth -_

  
  


It was four in the morning when Andrew woke up. His breath was caught in his throat, and his eyes were so wide he thought they might pop out. Distantly, he recognized he was shaking.

Waking from a nightmare was as relieving as it was painful, but Andrew had mastered the art of pushing it all away until he was left with nothing. Normally, he could lay in bed and watch Neil until he calmed down. He’d go back to sleep, one of his hands laid out, Neil’s fingers intertwined with his own. Tonight, he was not given the luxury. 

The light from Kevin’s alarm clock was bright in the darkness of their room, it’s neon numbers flashing. The minutes ticked by, and Andrew counted them. 4:27. 4:28. 4:29.

Minutes ticked by and the shaking subsided, but the feelings never passed. 

Andrew took a deep breath, looking at Neil, who was sleeping beside him. Another breath, and he looked at their hands. Another breath, and suddenly, he couldn’t draw anymore air.

Andrew was leaving this year. His first semester of his last year in college had just ended. It was December 20th. He had one hundred and sixty-four days until he graduated. Until he left Palmetto. Until he left Neil.

He stood up on shaky legs, clambering over Neil, grabbing a shirt from the floor and pulling his arm bands on. He got a hoodie from Neil’s drawer (they were bigger, and infinitely more comfortable) and found his keys, which were on his desk. When he turned around, he was unsurprised to see Neil, eyes barely open but otherwise ready to leave. 

“G’morning,” Neil mumbled, voice rough from sleep.

Andrew didn’t answer, shoving his feet into shoes, leaving in a rush. He knew Neil would follow. He always did, without questioning. 

It hit him hard knowing next year, he would be sleeping alone, and driving alone down unfamiliar roads.

He took the stairs down to the lot, anger simmering in his blood. It was unnecessary to slam the door of his maserati, but he did it anyways. He punched the steering wheel for good measure, finding joy in the flare of pain in his knuckles. 

Andrew pulled out of the parking lot as soon as Neil’s door closed. The tension didn’t leave his shoulders until they had made it to the highway.

Neil didn’t speak up until Andrew had calmed down, watching as Andrew’s hands loosened their grip on the wheel. He didn’t ask what happened, or where they were going. Questions like that were pointless when he knew he wouldn’t get an answer.

“Any music?” Neil asked instead, something safe.

“No.” Andrew pulled off of the highway, turning whenever he felt like it, until they had made their way to an open field. They’d never been here before. Andrew thought he might want to take Neil here, again, under better circumstances.

They sat silently for a while, the car humming beneath them. Andrew’s eyes slid shut, and he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. 

This was familiar. Neil was familiar. It had taken a while to get here, but at some point, Andrew accepted the permanence of Neil in his life. This was his, and for once, he let himself have it. 

Reaching out, Andrew took Neil’s hand in his own. They had long since passed the point where they no longer had to ask for yeses or nos, not for touches like this. This gentle touch was common, and it was - and would always be - safe.

Two taps on his hand, and Andrew nodded, knowing what Neil was asking. Car rides took them to many places, physically and emotionally, and what Neil was asking for, it was something that helped them both dull their sharp edges. Another tap, and then: “Yes.” Sometimes, they still needed verbal answers. Andrew was okay with that.

The first words were soft. He could barely hear what Neil was saying, but it didn’t really matter, not when everything around them was so silent and still. The sky was lightening. It was cold, it was winter, and there was frost on the ground. The maserati was humming. And Neil was singing. 

_“You are my sunshine,”_

Andrew breathed in and out, his thumb rubbing absently along the back of Neil’s hand.

_“My only sunshine.”_

He was leaving soon. He would live on his own, in a far away city. He would live life as he had. Their routine would change, but that was okay, because Bee had always told him change was necessary. Even if he didn’t like it, he couldn’t stop it. 

_“You make me happy, when skies are grey.”_

Andrew looked at Neil, and breathed. This is his. This is something Andrew is allowed to have. Neil looked back at him, and a smile pulled at his face as he kept singing.

_“You’ll never know dear, how much I love you.”_

This was not over, and it would not end. There would never be a real goodbye between them. They were, and hopefully, would always be, with each other.

_“Don’t take my sunshine away.”_

  
  


_\- Neil’s fifth year of college, Andrew’s first season pro -_

  
  


Neil came home to an unmarked package on the kitchen counter. He kicked his shoes off at the door, dropping his bag not too long after. If it was Robin’s, he thought, she would have already gotten to it, and if it belonged to anyone else, they wouldn’t have left it on the counter. That meant it had to be for him.

He let out a tired sigh, scrubbing a hand over his face. Exams had passed without much fuss, and the semester was officially over. Exy was postponed till after Christmas. Kevin was coming to visit, to spend time with Wymack, and Matt had said that he might come spend time with Neil. Everyone was busy with family and work and other obligations that existed outside of school. Everyone except Neil.

Walking into the kitchenette, Neil got a pair of scissors and started to open the package. His mind drifted as he tore open the tape, thinking about the one person he hadn’t heard from in regards to winter break plans. Technically, he wasn’t even on winter break. Andrew wasn’t in school anymore, and didn’t have the next few weeks without practice.

Neil and Andrew phoned nearly every night. The distance was something new, but it was something they were taking in stride. And somehow, the topic of winter break hadn’t been approached once. Neil had been invited to Abby’s, of course, and Wymack had said he wouldn’t mind another kid for the holidays, but he was holding out for Andrew. Maybe Andrew would make last minute plans with him. He could get a last minute plane ticket to fly out to New York, right? They hadn’t seen each other in a month, and it was starting to grate on Neil’s nerves.

Shaking his head, Neil opened the package. It wasn’t too big, but it was heavy, and Neil didn’t really know what to expect. What he didn’t expect to find, however, was the telescope sitting inside. Taking it out, he gingerly placed it on the counter, careful with all of the parts. At the very bottom of the box was a note, scrawled in a very familiar handwriting. 

_meet me on the roof._

_~ a_

Neil couldn’t help the giddy laugh that escaped him, and he nearly ran from the room without his new gift. Grabbing the telescope and a jacket, Neil took the stairs two at a time, bursting onto the roof, eyes alight. 

“Andrew,” Neil breathed out, looking at the scene set out before him. On the roof was a quilt with a few blankets piled up on the side. There were candles set out as well, their flames flickering in the winter wind. It wasn’t quite night, the evening starting to fade away. A small basket was weighing down the corner of the quilt, its contents hidden save for the bottle neck sticking out. And in the middle sat Andrew, wearing sweats and a hoodie, a beanie covering his head and ears.

Neil rushed forward, setting the telescope down as carefully as he could in his hurry, and crashed into Andrew. “I missed you,” Neil said, words muffled. His arms were tight around Andrew’s shoulders, and it was nice feeling Andrew’s arms just as tight around his waist. “Fuck, I missed you so much.”

Andrew buried his face in Neil hair, breathing him in, holding him tight. It felt good, having his boy back in his arms. It had been too long since he held Neil like this.

“Missed you too,” Andrew murmured, the admission still difficult after years of healing. 

Neil pulled away moments later, kneeling in front of Andrew. He looked at Andrew, smiling softly as they became reacquainted with having each other so close. Neil shook his head in disbelief and leaned forward, kissing Andrew after a nod of consent. He kissed him again and again and again before making himself stop, motioning to the telescope behind him.

“What’s this for?”

“What do you think it’s for, idiot?” Andrew’s nose scrunched as he reached for the telescope, pulling all of the parts out of the box. Neil noticed Andrew had already set up most of it; he must have done it when he first got the package, before he left it for Neil to find. The thought made Neil smile.

“Did you get this for me?” Neil watched as Andrew finished assembling it, looking at the telescope with a familiar light in his eyes. The light he got when he looked at something he liked. It was there when he looked at Andrew, too.

“No. It’s for fucking Boyd.”

  
“He loves stars, you know.”

“Shut the fuck up, Josten. It’s for you.” _Merry Christmas_.

Neil laughed at leaned forward, kissing Andrew’s temple. “Thank you. I have a gift for you inside.”

They talked for hours on the roof, drinking the wine Andrew had brought and falling in love all over again. They ate strawberries and watched the smoke of cigarettes curl towards the clouds, reaching for the sky painted in purples and navy blue. The stars grew brighter and the night got colder with each passing moment. They wrapped blankets around their shoulders, keeping each other close.

Later that night, Neil brought his eye to the eyepiece of the telescope, and was shocked into silence. The stars were fascinating, the way they danced together and lit up the sky. He couldn’t describe what he felt in that moment. Awe, maybe. Certainly something more.

Amidst the emotions crowding in his chest, Neil recognized comfort and contentment. Andrew dragged him to lay down, and Neil went easily, pressed to Andrew’s side. It was cold and the roof was uncomfortable beneath them, but Neil wouldn’t give this up for the world. They stayed that way for ages, twisted together like rose vines. 

When Neil looked up, Andrew’s cheeks were pink, his nose, too. Neil smiled. He was doing an awful lot of that.

And then Neil looked at Andrew, really looked at him, and his breath caught in his throat. 

Neil saw the stars in Andrew’s eyes and knew he would never see something more lovely.

  
  


_\- Neil’s second season pro, Andrew’s third -_

  
  


“You’re going to break something, Josten.”

“I’m doing fine on my own, thank you very much.”

“Really? You’re not even on the ice yet and you’ve almost fallen. Twice.”

Andrew sighed as he watched Neil stumble, shaking his head. Ice skates weren’t the easiest to walk in, and Neil looked like a newborn fawn.

“Why are we here, anyways?” Andrew’s voice carried to where Neil was standing by the door of the skating rink, grabbing his attention away from the people already on the ice. 

It had been Neil’s idea, of course, to go ice skating. Andrew had given in. And now, he was stuck watching Neil struggle to stay standing.

By the time Andrew had his skates on, Neil was on the ice, clinging to the railing. It was entertaining, really, but Andrew knew he wouldn’t fare much better. He had been skating once, years ago, with Renee and Kevin, and that couldn’t be counted as experience. 

Eventually, Andrew made it onto the ice. He didn’t really struggle, and it was easier as he made his way to Neil next, his movements more like steps than glides. 

“This is ridiculous,” Andrew muttered, pushing off of the wall, hands in front of him to brace for a fall. “Absolute horse shit.” 

“It’s fun, Drew. I’ve never been skating before.” 

“Of course you haven’t. You’re too focused on exy.” 

It didn’t take long for them to get the hang of moving without the railing, and soon they were gliding along beside each other, hands interlocked between them. Neil would tug on Andrew’s hand whenever he was losing balance, and Andrew had fallen with him countless times. It was endearing, though, seeing the way Neil would give him a bashful grin.

People moved around them, kids and couples alike, and Andrew paused to watch a girl twirl in the middle of the rink. She was a figure skater, he thought, and a good one. 

“I wish I could do that,” Neil said, chin resting on Andrew’s shoulder, following Andrew’s line of sight. “Maybe I could try. I’m getting pretty good at ice skating.”

Andrew scoffed, lips quirked up in a smile. He imagined Neil like that, leg stretched above his head, spinning gracefully on the ice, and shook his head. “Kevin would have an aneurysm.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

Turning around, Andrew spun Neil, hearing his laughter. “A little bit of practice, and that could be you,” he teased, pushing Neil away from him. 

And then Andrew was being pulled in by his scarf like they did in the movies, and he couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes. Typical cheesy shit. Andrew would bet all of his money that Neil learned it from Nicky.

“You’re a terrible flirt.” Andrew’s hands rested heavy on Neil’s waist, keeping him close this time. 

“You love me,” Neil countered, and Andrew couldn’t argue with that. Gloved hands came up to frame Andrew’s face, and soon Neil was leaning in and kissing Andrew gently. They were tangled up in each other, their cheeks rosy and cold noses bumping.

They continued to skate for a while longer, growing tired as the night passed. Neil didn’t let go of Andrew’s hand, even as they clambered off the ice, graceless in their skates. Neil’s hand was warm in Andrew’s, and he squeezed, feeling Neil squeeze back.

Eventually, they made their way to seats, and they struggled to take off their skates, laces looped and knotted too many times. Andrew leaned down to undo Neil’s skates for him, and a kiss was pressed into his hair as a thank you. 

Later that night, while they were curled around each other in bed, Neil would ask to go ice skating again soon. Andrew would shrug, and would fall asleep, forehead pressed to Neil’s neck.

Skating wasn’t ideal, and it certainly wasn’t easy. The cold was a pain, and Andrew’s ankles hurt from the skates. But it was worth it, if it made Neil happy.

  
  


_\- Neil’s third season pro, Andrew’s fourth -_

  
  


Andrew knew they needed to get up soon. They had plans and a flight to catch later that night. But he was comfortable in bed, with Neil on his chest, snoring softly, and moving sounded like a chore.

It was half past ten when they finally got out of bed. The cats were fed, plants watered, and kisses were shared over cups of coffee. Neil had turned on the radio and music was playing, filtering through their apartment.  
  
“Merry Christmas,” Neil whispered, kissing Andrew’s temple. Neil’s hair was a mess of curls on his head, and Andrew was enamored with his bed head. 

They moved to sit together on the carpet of their living room right in front of a small pine tree, lit up and decorated in red and gold and white. The lights hit Neil in just the right way, making his skin glow and his eyes two shades brighter. Andrew took a picture of him, wanting to keep this moment in his pocket, to look at whenever he wanted to. If he changed the picture to his phone background, no one had to know

Christmas was never a big occasion. Even back in college they hadn’t done much to celebrate, exchanging gifts and eating dinner with Wymack and Abby. Today was no different, save for the distance between them and Palmetto. They’d be in South Carolina later that evening, and their ragtag group of foxes would be reunited. But for now, Andrew cherished the peace they had in their home. 

Christmas was not always easy for them, either. When Andrew thought back to his younger years, he could not remember a pleasant holiday, and he was sure Neil couldn’t. Holidays were marred by trauma and bad memories. But they had persevered. And now they were here, in an apartment that belonged to them, surrounded by people who cared.

Andrew watched as Neil opened his first gift, seeing the excitement in his eyes as he realized what it was; a new camera. Neil’s old one was almost dead from years of use. Andrew knew that Neil loved taking pictures of everything and anything, because the pictures created a sense of permanence, something that would remain even when the world continued. He was quite good at it, too. The framed pictures in their apartment were proof.

Of course, Neil immediately took a picture of Andrew, still in his pajamas and glasses. Neil couldn’t bring himself to wipe the smile off of his face.

Andrew was next, and when he finished tearing off the wrapping, he was holding a shoe box in his hands. Inside were letters, some old and worn, some newer. He took out one, glancing towards Neil when he saw the date. It was dated back to their college years, when they were young and dumb and just as in love as they were now, but they had been to damaged to say it. Every single paper in there was a letter that Neil had written to him, spanning over the many years they had known each other, filled with emotions and words Neil hadn’t dared to say out loud. Andrew kept looking, and found polaroids and newspaper clippings as well, even some pressed flowers and leaves. Next was a tea bag, and then a key on a necklace. 

“Thank you,” Andrew said, voice rough with emotions he couldn’t name. He closed the box and set it aside, looking at it every so often like he couldn’t believe it was real.

They moved on with their morning, opening gifts and sharing kisses. Neil’s bright laughter rang through the room, and Andrew didn’t deny that he was smiling. They had spent Christmases together before, but none really felt like this. This one, Andrew thought, was the first Christmas where he and Neil were truly settled in their own skin. It was a nice feeling. 

“Look behind the tree,” Andrew said, “there should be one more.”

“I think the cats took it,” Neil joked as he looked, seeing nothing. He looked back by the walls, wondering if the cats had actually pushed it somewhere else.

There was nothing, and Andrew knew that.

He was on one knee when Neil turned back to him. A small velvet box was in his hand, opened up to show the ring inside. Andrew watched as Neil put together what was happening, and saw the very moment when he realized. He watched the tears form in Neil’s eyes as he covered his mouth with his hand.

“I am in love with you,” Andrew started, taking a deep breath, “and I will be until the day I die. This, us, it is forever.” Andrew could go into detail about every single time he felt that forever feeling, but he wouldn’t be able to get past the first time. It was difficult, baring himself so completely for Neil, but he would do it again and again for the man he loved. 

It would never be easy to be open, but when his heart was on display, Neil tucked flowers into his ribs.

“Neil Abram Josten, will you marry me?”

Neil was in his arms before Andrew finished, laughing and crying and whispering _yes_ over and over again. When they pulled away, Andrew slipped the ring onto his finger, kissing Neil’s finger where the ring rested.

At the end of every day, the answer would always be yes.

**Author's Note:**

> comments & kudos are appreciated! find me on tumblr @lovelyeskel <3


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